I never really thought there would be an issue with me being the wife of the Dungeon Master. My husband and I work really well together and since we are both super competitive, we hold each other to much higher standards than other people. Still there are always issues that come up.
Our current table is made up of myself and the rest are all men. I have no problem with that really. I’m just a little sad there isn’t another wife out there I can talk D&D with. Two of the other members are married but their spouses are not interested in Dungeons and Dragons. Another player has a boyfriend he runs a table with separately but he’s the DM so I can’t relate to him either. It is a little lonely but I love playing and wouldn’t stop for anything.
I try to make it as fair as possible to the other players and myself. Since I love to read and immerse myself into really developed stories I try to stay as out of the loop as possible. I love being surprised by the story. My husband will bounce some generic ideas off me but the important stuff is kept completely secret from me.
The only times that I see anything having to do with the story is when helping paint miniatures or set pieces. Now though, as my husband gets better acquainted with crafting, I am less involved in the set crafting part. As for the miniatures, I am usually given a basic color scheme to follow and my husband doesn’t always ask for miniatures in the order they are needed to add mystery to the fights.
Still despite all the work we go through to keep things fair I have still been accused of getting better items or more because I am the wife. It is actually the opposite. In the last campaign we had weapons forged from pieces of our souls that evolved with certain requirements. I was the last to evolve mine because I made sure everyone else got to finish their stories first. It wasn’t something I resent, but I don’t like being seen as favorite when I’m not.
Some of our past members have accused me of getting more items than anyone else. I actually got a better item in Barovia than my husband intended but we rectified it by saying I “lost” it. For me it is never about the power or the levels we can get. To me it is always about the story. I want to live in these fantasy worlds we create.
While there are some downsides, they can never detract from the benefits of being the wife of the DM. I always know that we will get an amazing story for all of us. In the last campaign my husband made sure each person got both a happy ending and one that made sense. Some people even died at the end but they died having completed everything they wanted. They had lived a full life in our world and the death brought closure to a wonderful story.
Now that I am dipping my toes into the DM pool by running my own oneshot I am understanding how much goes into the work my husband does. It makes me a better, more attentive player and it gives me a greater appreciation for the role.
2 thoughts on “Being the Wife of the DM”
That’s disappointing, I don’t understand why people need to count up what everyone has – how is that fun? Maybe that’s why more abstract systems seem to be gaining in popularity, no inventory for people to get a bee in their bonnet about
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Yea, we have better players now that don’t care about that as much but it can be frustrating.